Wes, Wes, Wes, Wes, Wes, Wes, Wes, Wes, Wes, Wes, Wes, Wes, Wes, Wes, Wes, Wes, Wes, Wes, Wes, Wes, Wes, Wes, Wes, Wes, Wes, Wes, Wes, Wes, Wes, Wes, Wes, Wes, Wes, Wes, Dirty Leeds. Wes.
Amid all this week’s Wes-related furore, a colossal bore might take the time to point out ‘we’re in danger of a football match breaking out here lads’. And while that would be enough to make you move seats in the pub, the bore would have a point. Enough has already been written about Wes for us to allow for one or maybe two paragraphs on this week’s opposition, Leeds United.
Leeds, who started the season all those many moons ago like an absolute steam train, have somewhat fallen apart since Christmas. Not even the recruitment of Paul ‘I hate Leeds’ Heckingbottom has - surprisingly - caused an upturn in form. Indeed, since the turn of the year, they’ve won just three times in the league; against Brentford, Bolton and Barnsley. Since Norwich does not begin with a B, we could be alright here lads.
It might have seemed like Leeds could challenge Wolves for an automatic promotion spot at one point, but as the season has unfolded they’ve become embroiled in a far more exciting battle: that to finish in 12th spot, alongside us and Ipswich. It must be thrilling for their supporters, so expect to see them turn up in their droves for this vital fixture.
Leeds’ joint top scorers for the season are Pierre-Michel Lassoga and Kemar Roofe, the latter of whom has enjoyed an excellent year and seems to be coming of age. The reverse fixture at Elland Road back in December was a drab affair that Leeds somehow won 1-0, but it was the type of game where even the victorious fans left the ground moaning.
The form of the self-proclaimed ‘Champions of Europe’ has been so terrible that you’d have to suggest Norwich are favourites, but ours is so indifferent that it’s so difficult to imagine what might happen. These end-of-season affairs can often produce the unexpected, so Wes’ swansong could be quite the occasion. ZW
I don’t know if any of you have noticed, but we often have to stretch the truth around these fun facts to make them sound even more ridiculous than the truth in which they start. Guess what? WE DON’T HAVE TO DO THAT WITH LEEDS! THERE ARE SO MANY TO CHOOSE FROM! LOL!
Leeds United have this week announced a post-season jaunt to Myanmar. Myanmar! Why though? Their owner has some financial concerns over there. Oh that explains it! But really it doesn’t even begin to explain the idea of playing two games in a country where contracting the Zika virus is the very least of a tourist’s worries. There is the small matter of a potential genocide and ethnic cleansing issue, to start.
Sadly the Myanmar debacle is like water off a duck’s back to many beleaguered Leeds fans who have been put through the wringer for the last decade at least. Sure, they can probably laugh at a lot of them now, but at the time, they’re not so much fun to go through. ZW
ZW: Dear, sweet Wes. It’s going to be a beautiful victory the press will describe as total football, and he’s going to score ten (or fewer).
Zoë Assumes: Weslich City 3-1 No Wesds United
RJ: Classic end of season nothing to play for fodder ahoy! Though these meaningless end of season games can sometimes be ace. Nothing on the game so Wes must start and let’s take it to them from the outset. Nobody likes them, even they self-loathe, I mean remember the badge debacle? We all know one decent Leeds fan, but it is actually the same one. Chubby Brian from Roundhay. Hi Brian!
Rich reckons: Clean Norwich 4 - 1 Dirty Mandalay.
CT: I planned my holiday on the basis this game was going to be meaningless. It turns out I was very wrong. I'm beyond sad to be missing the Big Farewell; Wesley Hoolahan, you have given us so much joy. We love you from the bottom of our hearts. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Did I mention we love you? We do. You beautiful little man. We will miss you forever. And ever.
Who are we playing again?
Clare Calculates: 5-1 Wesley with a hat-trick including a bicycle kick from the halfway line, a scorpion kick after a Rabona and a backheel after seven Cruyff turns leaving 10 Leeds players on their arses
SW: Do you remember when Leeds won the division in November? That was fun. Oh how they too have fallen from grace. It couldn’t have happened to a nicer club. I’m personally looking forward to Wes rounding off the mediocrity of both our seasons with some swazz. I want to see him chip the keeper and rip off his shirt in front of a frothing away end. However I’ll certainly settle for him kissing the badge as he is applauded off in the 88th minute.
Seb Foresees: We Are Leeds 2, We Know You Are Leeds, 3.