Things We Are Sort Of Guessing: Fulham and QPR

Jesus Christ! We've only gone and done a preview of two games in one! An Easter miracle. The Little Yellow Birds have their say ahead of Fulham and QPR in this SUPER-TWASOG. 

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Opposition Overview

After an international break in which Maddison showed plenty of quality for England, and the English failed to show much in another of Europe’s capitals, it’s time to get back to Carrow Road. Speaking of capitals, we’ve got two dates lined up with London. And so, because the Little Yellow Birds intend to spend Easter eating, drinking and relaxing – did I mention drinking? – we thought what the hell, we might as well preview both the impending fixtures that fall aCROSS this holy weekend. Thus, I shall name it the SUPER-TWASOG.

First up is Fulham. If the reality of Boris Johnson being in government hasn’t depressed you enough this week, then here’s a fact that will: Fulham are unbeaten in 13 games. Yeah – turns out that they are quite good at this football thing, annoyingly. If you look up the table – keep going – a bit more – yep that’s them there in 3rd. Ryan Sessegnon, Alexander Mitrovic and a host of others have helped Fulham score the second highest amount of goals in the league. A few too many draws instead of wins is all that separates them from the division’s runaway top-two.

Of course, the reverse match against Fulham was where it all started. That was when the Farke egg hatched. Fittingly, I was in Berlin on the opening day of the season. In true British fashion I made little attempt to speak the native language, and relied on the admirable bilingualism of the bartender to request Norwich be put on the telly. With a beer in hand, that was where I watched it unfold. Several beers later, that was where I watched Oliveira undress. By the time his goal had gone in I like to think I had converted a few Berliners to that team with a German manager and German players whom even they probably knew just as little of. I hope they now think we celebrate every equaliser like Gotze’s World Cup winning goal.

That draw set the trend for Fulham who trundled along in mid-table for much of September and October. They were as low as 17th in November! Oh how fortunes have changed: they have been on a steep upwards trajectory ever since Christmas, selflessly giving up losing for lent.

Fun Fact: Fulham FC was formed when a school teacher and a churchwarden decided to make a team for attendees of Fulham St Andrew’s Church. Such beginnings seemed noteworthy for a game on Good Friday.

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Once Fulham have had their fun, it’ll be time for Norwich to head to QP-aren’t-going-up-or-down-either. A proper midtable battle with little to play for. One QPR fan site described their team a couple of weeks back as ‘Devoid of ideas, incapable of scoring, porous in defence, totally lacking in belief that they could get anything from the game’.

Naturally though, we’re coming up against them in what is a decent patch of form (when viewed in the context of their terribly inconsistent season). In their last match, they scored two second half goals to rescue a draw against – guess who – that’s right – Fulham. Wow, these SUPERTWASOGs really write themselves don’t they?! Before that, an impressive win against high-flying Aston Villa proves it could be a very difficult away trip. It really does depend on which QPR decides to turn up on the day.

The arse – sorry, Rs – did away with the Hasselbank and said hello to the Holloway back in November, prising him away from his role in Peaky Blinders. Such chop and change has been matched in the playing squad, characterised by a series of free transfers both in and out of the club. Freebie Josh Scowen has, however, proved a bargain, forming a formidable midfield partnership with player-of-the-season possibility Luke Freeman.

Having now banished chances of relegation, QPR have been able to involve some of youngsters, notably Ebere Eze who scored in that 3-1 win over Villa. This fresh blood has provided some hope for the future, or at least blind optimism, as an unremarkable but important season draws towards a close.  

Fun Fact: QPR were the first club to introduce an astroturf pitch in the UK, and, after other clubs followed their example, the first to rip it up and reinstall grass. I hope to receive a cheque in the post when that barnstorming detail wins the jackpot at your local quiz night.

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Predictions

SW: Nothing says new life like a new leader at the top of our very, very bad prediction league. Having led since the opening day, I have at last been caught. Still, if Jesus made a comeback, surely I can too?

I’m not sure anything can stop Fulham and all the dirt they’re kicking up as they gallop towards the season’s end. Poop-P-R, on the other hand, is definitely a winnable game.

Seb Foresees: Easter Anglia 1-2 Bishop’s Park, Holy Holloway 0-2 Easter Anglia

CT: Forget Easter, it's Groundhog day. We welcomed Fulham to FCR on Good Friday last year, in what seems to have become the equivalent of Tottenham on Boxing Day, or Palace on New Years. Anyway, they beat us, and I went out for dinner with my besties in The Lanes and had a lovely time. I am doing the same again this year, in the same restaurant, with the same friends, and will have a lovely time. With Fulham and that bloody irritating, hate-him-but-you'd- love-him-if-he-played-for-you, Mitrovic in fine form I expect a full completion of groundhogness.

Clare Calculates: Easter Chicks 1- Easter (Fu)Lamb 2

As for QPR. I hope we stuff them and make Holloway miserable, because there’s nothing more entertaining than a Holloway whine. Except maybe a Warnock one. Anyway, a super away win for the yellows

Clare Calculates: Moody Blues 0- Springtime Yellows 2

RJ: An Easter Double Header. Firstly Fulham head East for Easter I’m not even going to bother discussing that game. No point. It’s a nailed on win for The Cottagers. I fear a Good Friday hiding. I do like Fulham though. I can’t say the same for QPR. I’ve always disliked them, pretty much without justification. That was until I recently discovered that Toby Young is a Hoops fan. That was all the justification I needed. Oh also they had Colin as their manager. Oh and they’ve utterly pissed away that imbecile Fernandes’ money. Oh and their ground’s shit. Oh and their fans are entitled bellends in the main. Oh and Gollum is still their manager and no he’s not amusing, he’s a dick. I think that’s it.

Rich Reckons: Like Jesus we’ll get crucified on Good Friday, our downfall being unable to deal with crosses. But like him we will rise from the dead and have it large. Allegedly. So the crucifixion: Osterhasen 0 - Ostereier 3 and the resurrection: Smegheads 0 - Eggheads 2.

ZW: Hands up who missed the footy? Only a tentative hand going up at the back there? It’s understandable perhaps, especially that the end of the season is now enticingly in sight. The nights are lighter, but it’s not exactly warmer, so we’ll carry on for a bit longer yet. And how excellent would it be if some momentum could be gathered by the end of the season to take us into August? A top-half finish is imperative and some of the players are fighting for their Canary careers.

Let’s make sure our Easter ends up as good as Jesus’s did, but without the bad bits.

Zoë Assumes: Norwich 2-1 Fulham, City 1-0 Park Rangers

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