Things we are sort of guessing: Sheffield United (H)

Carrow Road welcomes the brave FA Cup warriors back into its (mostly) warm and welcoming bosom this Saturday. Will the players be exhausted? Probably. Will they be desperate to win after the away fixture had so much needle? Probably. What will happen?


Opposition Overview

Sheffield United, the runaway winners of the much sought-after title ‘Most Brexit Club in the Championship’, might have thought they were in with a chance of more silverware when the two clubs met back in September. Way back then, they were right at the top of the league and shocking everyone on their return to the league after a more than brief sojourn in League One.

Chris Wilder, who has the miserable yet determined look of a man who’s been trying to strain out a poo for the last twenty minutes, had a bit of a day that Saturday in September. Despite the fact his team had been performing well against the odds and hadn’t lost at home in months, Wilder took great exception to the idea that they might be losing against Daniel Farke’s merry band of men and consequently threw a tantrum of toddleresque proportion. He’d already been wound up you see, because City had run a little late and he’d been handed the team-sheet by someone without a penis. What usually happens? Does the carefully-selected man pass it over with his highly-trained member? Or was he annoyed because the late stand-in couldn’t help banging on about her cycle and started howling at the moon before retreating without so much as a curtsey?

It all got a bit heated that day, especially after Wilder set the tone. The fans had a scuffle outside and things were all too heated and narky, we don’t need behaviour like that again. So there may be a little more determination from the Carrow Road fans to will the team on to victory and to make Wilder turn a delightful shade of puce once more.

No longer at the top of the league, Sheffield United continue to outperform pre-season expectations and they’re still clinging on to the play-off positions, albeit by goal difference. They’ve only had one win in the last five matches, though, so they’ll want to reverse their recent fortunes. Leon Clarke is the danger-man as the Championship’s top scorer, and he’s just the sort of lumbering meathead you hate seeing score against you but you love it when he’s on your team.

City will be tired, but can their performance against Chelsea and the memories of a brilliant win at Bramall Lane rouse their tired limbs from slumber? ZW

Fun Facts

Professional Yorkshireman, actor Sean Bean, has a tattoo on his upper arm that says ‘Forever Blade.’ Professional Brexiteer, football manager Chris Wilder, is also said to have a Sheffield United tattoo.

The Bramall Lane side introduced mandatory tattooing back in 1989 when trying to ensure that only ‘true fans’ who were ‘guaranteed to sing for 90 minutes’ were allowed entrance into the ground. As the signs outside Bramall Lane state proudly, ‘IF YOU’RE NOT TATTOOED, YOU’RE NOT COMING IN’. Since then, there has never been a momentary lull in atmosphere during a game, not even when they were struggling to get out of League One.

A lesson for us all. ZW


RJ: I fear our heroic boys, the darlings of the nation (©The EDP), will be cream crackered after their exertions in midweek and with the injuries stacking up, this may be a game too far for us. Though the back three is here to stay and this gives me some hope of a positive result. If we do lose however, I know for a fact that our manager will conduct himself in a gracious and professional manner. Unlike the petulant man-child who manages the opposition. The obnoxious Wilder re-defined what it means to be a bad loser after our away win this season, instantly and remarkably replacing Colin Wanker as the most repugnant manager Sheffield United have ever had. That’s some going.

Rich Reckons: Daniel Farke’s Boys 1- Detestable Fucker’s Boys 1.

CT: I hope those heroic lads have been cryogeniced to within an inch of their lives, and feel full of vim and vigour again, because something tells me Sheffield Utd might be up for this game. All Chris Whinger has to do is pin a picture of a bus in the dressing room.

It's a shame it's Sheffield Utd we have to face really- I was hoping for a nice and tasty return fixture- but sadly we might be defeated by playing for 356 minutes on Wednesday night. Summon it up from the depths lads; nothing would make us happier than making those miserable, mardy, mithered Northerners more miserable, mardy and mithered.

Clare Calculates: Hello football Gods? Many thanks for sending us that nice ref the other night. How about a little win today? We've been very good. Thank you muchly. Heroes 2 - Zero’s 1.

ZW: I’m so concerned about energy levels after the Chelsea game. Did you see how tired Zimm was? It was an energy-sapping match both physically and mentally, but I hope that performance will spur them on rather than knock them back. If they can just find some reserves from somewhere, I think the fans will provide excellent encouragement.

Zoë Assumes: I’m so proud of the team after Wednesday I refuse to predict anything other than a win. Norwich 2-1 Blades.

SW: Tired. Gasping for water. Head pounding. And that’s just me on a Saturday morning. Whether the dreaded hangover blights our City side this time around remains to be seen. Timm Klose seemed confident that all will be fine, and after that cross on Wednesday night – a cross under which all religions could be united – I trust every word he says.

Seb Foresees: Timm Klose’s Football Academy 2-0 The Full Monty

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