Derby time. Like marmite, you either love it or hate it. Either way, there’s no escaping…IT’S HAPPENING. Time for the LYBP team to make their astoundingly accurate predictions and face this ugly monster head on.
So, here we are then. Butterflies in the stomach, a sheen of sweat on the brow, your mind constantly dreading when Sunday comes round and you get all dressed up and go only to be abused by some grown men in weird clothes. But enough about my time as an Altar Boy, onto the football.
We get to visit Poorman Road, the Binners, 1p5wich, Ipshit, The Shit, Scum, The Tractor Twats etc etc. All that childish shizzle.
This kind of stuff has been going on in the press and on social media this week. Some of it from people who should perhaps know better, including players and the clubs. It is after all only a game of football, between two local rivals. The only thing at stake is the not very widely renowned title of Pride of Anglia.
This would all just be in the name of tedious #bantz, but of course it spirals downwards until we reach the inevitable idiot tweeting the Justin Fashanu stuff and then some idiots responding with the sex worker murder stuff. Unedifying to say the very least.
Where now are the old heads? The senior voices to cool the fevered minds of the young, the rash and the foolish? It seems we’re all fools now.
Mick McCarthy is still doing a great job for Ipswich, though some of the natives would rather see him out. Be careful what you wish for, my blue-coloured scum chums.
It’s not an attractive job. No money to spend. A usually barely half-full stadium, an uninterested owner. A club mired in debt and with a misplaced sense of their worth from an ever more distant set of former glories.
Mick’s doing well to keep them in the top half and flirting with the playoffs. Who would want to take it on if he left, who could do better?
Our supremacy in this fixture in recent years feels less sure now, with the clubs being close to each other in the league table and both fixtures being drawn last season. Also with them being without a win for 8 years, they are due one.
Couple that with them being at home, the fact that they have a battle-hardened squad who are familiar with this fixture, and we have a lot of new faces who aren’t, and they’ll fancy their chances.
Their poor record against the better teams this season, and our recent good away record will give us hope, however.
As usual, it’ll be watched through latticed fingers, with hearts in mouths, teeth gritted and arseholes going like that. I hate it. I can’t wait till it’s over and having almost forgotten what it’s like to lose it, I hope that’s still the case when the calm returns.
Residents of Ipswich, or Ipswichshites, are known for their attraction to gaps of all kinds. Gap Clothing had to close their store in the town due to the sheer number of ruddy faced simpletons who stood outside shouting ‘Mind The Gap’, all day. They were all very disappointed when that Gap was closed.
For this very reason, Town fan Bob Hargreaves finds himself in the Guinness Book Of Records for the ‘longest continuous time spent on the London Underground’. He went down to catch a train from Liverpool Street to Kings Cross in February 1993, wasn’t able to tear himself away from the writing on the platform, and has remained there ever since. RJ
RJ: I have a terrible feeling about this. If we play to our best we will win it, but I feel the occasion could be too much for some of our new players and theirs will rise to the novelty of a large crowd. We haven’t been scoring many, and whilst I think we objectively do have the better players, our lack of goals will be our downfall.
Rich Reckons: It is with a heavy heart, and with a fervent desire to be wrong, that I have to say. Shitland Ponies* 1 - Kanarien 0.
* © @karlminns
CT: I was giddy with calm last week. Alas, the panic has now set in and I AM DEFINITELY NOT CALM. I don't want to think about the derby, read about the derby or write about the derby, and shall forthwith be closing my eyes and covering my ears until it's over. Form doesn't matter, statistically it's about blinking time they won and I'm terrible at predictions as it is. Though it could be argued I am actually very successful at getting them completely wrong.
Clare Calculates: My skill of predicting the exact opposite means there is only one option here; three points heading back up to Nelson's county is far more important than my pride. Therefore I must predict 2-0 to Ipshit. Woo.
ZW: Given that I live and work in Leeds, you might be surprised to hear that I share an office with no fewer than TWO Ipswich fans. TWO! Maybe that’s why the ground’s so empty, their fans are all in Yorkshire. It’s been a whole new experience for me, this East Anglian ‘banter’, and mostly it is fine. I’ve spent all week declaring they’ll definitely win, it’s about time, there’s no other option. But cor I hope we absolutely do them on Sunday, and I would never ever actually believe that they stood a chance of beating us. COME ON YOU YELLOWS.
Zoë Assumes: Ipswich Town 1, Norwich City 2.
SW: As I’m sure you know by now, we’re quite rubbish at predictions. So trying to work out which way this pendulum is going to swing for this baby is no easy task. Sure, Ipswich are ‘overdue’ one. But this is football, not my library record. We’ve got the better squad, the better form and an absolutely batshit crazy striker who it seems is capable of everything and anything, from world-beating performances to total self-implosion, all at once, all the time. He’ll fancy it, and I fancy us.
Seb Foresees: All square at the break, but a second half goal on 70 minutes to win it. Ipswich 0, The Norwich 1.