January is just the shittest month, isn’t it. And then someone went and plonked a transfer window over it and it got even worse. Richard Jeffery can’t wait for it to all be over, and introduces Norwich target George Santayana
I hate the transfer window. There, I’ve said it. Got my business done early.
What do I hate about it? I hate the way it transforms many Norwich supporters (and let’s assume supporters of other clubs as well…) into credulous, objectionable, unreasonable, injudicious, entitled, unrealistic and guileless gobshites. They become almost childlike in both their naiveté and their online tantrums.
The #ncfc hashtag and the forums become unreadable. It’s like a nightmare groundhog month where people are constantly flagellating themselves with regurgitated snippets of unsubstantiated gossip and self-loathing. It makes me pine for the days pre-internet, when we had to rely much more on yer actual facts or what Dougie Kippers down the pub had heard off his mate’s cousin who delivers the milk to Colney.
As George Santayana said: “Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it”.
This was shortly before David from Swaffham tweeted that Santayana could do a job for Norwich, which was then retweeted by two people. Then someone on the Pink’Un message board – who once by luck posted something that actually then happened – saw it and posted that they’d seen him linked to us. This was then posted on Wrath of the Barclay as “We’re in for Santayana, one of the trusted Oink’un posters just posted it on the rasher”.
This now has legs. It’s then tweeted out as ‘ITK guy linking #ncfc with Santayana” which is retweeted 152 times and then picked up by the Norwich City News account, and then Football365 then Read Fucking Norwich City. It’s now self-perpetuating and out of control. That's before a few fresh fish jump on that @Norwich12435678 bloke’s hook (I say bloke, as women wouldn't do something that pointless). It can then even be picked up by the proper media in one of those transfer rumour pieces they dash off.
So, from a small beginning, you have a fully formed rumour completely without foundation, and nobody can remember how it started. There’s no source, it’s just out there. And people get upset when this player doesn’t sign.
It’s like a snowball rolling down a hill. But not a snowball, a shitball. An unstoppable big ball of transferry shit rolling down a hill, getting bigger and bigger before exploding at the bottom on deadline day covering everyone in shit and regret.
The denouement, of course, is transfer deadline day itself. A day where actual grown-up human beings congregate at closed football grounds where absolutely nothing is going to happen, just because.
Then when the dust settles on deadline day, loads of people get really and genuinely angry because we haven’t signed a player we were linked to by some young lad on twitter in between doing his homework and playing on his PS4.
Nobody knows our targets, none of you know what’s going on behind the scenes. We are who we are, we are where we are. Despite the fact we know Norfolk’s brilliant, we’re not a sexy location for a young, dumb and wants-to-come superstar footballer compared to a lot of clubs in the league we’re in. We haven’t got a rich backer, we can’t pay the biggest wages. It’s all against us, in many ways.
I’d love us to effortlessly sign all our top targets, who’ll leap like lemmings to join Norwich, waiving any pay as they just want to wear the shirt, but it’s just not that simple. This is not ‘little old Norwich’, this is reality. We’re trying to move up to the next rung alongside such luminaries as Stoke and West Ham. We’re close, but not there yet. We do though have a fantastic young manager, a well-run and now financially sound club with a rosy future.
Do you know more about our finances and how transfers and agents work than Alex Neil and David McNally? No. Do you know what finagles are pulled behind the scenes? No. Do you know what work goes on to try and get the players in that can improve the squad? No.
Keep your toys in the pram, play nicely and roll on 11pm on February 1st.
Then, if we haven't signed three international big-name players I will lose my shit. Big time.
You can follow Richard Jeffery on Twitter at @twitchut