The first of a three game in seven days bonanza starts with a potentially tricky away tie at Barnsley. Jon Rogers spoke to West Stand Bogs, a fanzine who raise loads of cash for charity and swear their heads off as they do it. Like a rude Terry Wogan.
Jon: So Barnsley vs Norwich. Some people are calling it the big one. Those people also shout at clouds. Do you want to get the gentle teasing of our geographic locations out of the way now - or just focus on the football, flat cap boy?
WSB: I've spent 5 minutes trying to think of something to take the piss out of Norwich with but I don't even know where the fuck it is or what's there so this is a great opening to our chat. Shall I just call you a bastard and leave it there?
Jon: Sounds like my wedding night. So Barnsley in 12th. Above Ipswich, Villa AND Ipswich. Imagine a patronising voice when I ask - that's good isn't it?
WSB: It's fucking mint to be fair and considering our budget of ten bob & a blackies egg we’re well chuffed.
Jon: What on gods earth is a blackies egg?
WSB: This is you being all southern. Next question.
Jon: Eastern, please. So what's been your highlight and how have you been playing?
WSB: Conor Hourihane's beautiful face is the highlight of my life never mind this season. We've been up and down - first 8 weeks I was convinced we would win the Champions league but then we've tailed off. To be expected considering both our centre backs were playing in the Conference last year. But overall, chuffed.
Jon: Who are your two key men. Sort of chap you'd go FFS, if he was injured in a warm up...
WSB: Conor Hourihane & Conor Hourihane. Statistically best player in the league this season, makes us tick, creates goals, stops them scoring and just looks absolutely gorgeous constantly. Unreal player that won't be with us next year.
Jon: Are you Conor Hourihane's mum?
WSB: I'd like to bathe him if that's what you're asking.
Jon: That’s my next four questions answered. What about Norwich players....Who do you pray pulls a muscle quicker than you do when you hear Conor Hourihane’s name?
WSB: Does Iwan Roberts still play for you? If so, him. Or Darren Huckerby.
Jon: On this occasion, I'm not going to let you use your wit to get out of your general lack of knowledge. At least google it...and go..."Ooh him". At least once...
WSB: I've just seen you've lots of players I've heard of so I now feel a bit sick for Saturday. If our best player signed for £200k and you've got Steven Naismith for £8 million then we've got us work cut out.
Wes Hoolahan though. Always liked him.
Jon: Who doesnt like Wes!? Imagine Conor and Wes bathing. You could sell tickets for the O2. And sorry you've fell into the Naismith trap. Every opposition supporter has mentioned him, and he has been shite for the money we spent. You’re in a hole with Leeds, Brighton, Wolves and QPR fans...
I know what every Norwich fan is begging me to ask. Paul Heckingbottom. Norwich have an incredible relationship with the Mr H...or Botts...as we called him... and why his 15 games and 0 goals over one year in 2003/2004 hasn't got him in our Hall of Fame - we'll never know. Do you love him as much as we loved him?
WSB: I want him to give my first born away. Smart, articulate, passionate and basically a top Barnsley lad. He's done unbelievably well since taking over & I just hope he can build on what's an unreal first 12 months of management.
Jon: He really does come under that umbrella of he was too busy learning to be a manager to worry about being a top player...Best of luck to him, and all who sail in him. Let's put the ‘dic’ into score prediction, hit me with your HEAD and HEART scores.
WSB: Head 0-3 Norwich. Heart 0-2 Norwich. Since 2012 I've been convinced we'd lose every game which won't change now.
Jon: Best way. Peter Cook bet against his beloved Spurs each week. Their shit run of form probably bought the booze that killed him. Fuckin' Ossie Ardiles
Jon spoke to @dysonwsb from @weststandbogs - a local fanzine that has raised £40k for local charities in the last three years through merchandise, events and a magazine. Including local hospice, charity, football teams, food banks etc.