Things we sort of learned

Norwich lost a match against Bournemouth. Nothing to see here. Move on. Definitely nothing to moan about. Jon Rogers and Dan Brigham on signings, horror-shows, Vadis, the Howson theory and changing the lyrics to On The Ball City

Off the ball, City
With thanks to TheLYBP friend Clare Thomas for the idea: we certainly were not On The Ball on Saturday. We didn’t keep it low, nothing splendid, nothing was worthy of a Bravo, and most importantly, we didn’t win or die.

Not that I am encouraging death on our players, but here wasn’t a fight and hunger to get stuck in – Jonny Howson scrambled on the floor for a lost cause at 2-0. That was as good as it got.

Never mind the danger? We were about as dangerous as Lewis Grabban’s illness. JR

The Howson theory
Talking of Jonny Howson, he was once again wheeled out in front of the press as the go-to voice of a defeated Norwich. No matter how many “erm “or “errs” he utters, which I can’t help but count, I naturally feel a little sorry for the chap. 

I have a theory. Jonny has a sad gentle voice, which the club hope will make the average fan go “Aw. Poor J-How, I hope he’s ok”… which will level out all anger, and stop the @NorwichCityFC twitter account get inundated with bomb threats.

Worked on me! JR

Miss is bliss
Not being able to watch a Norwich game gets me itchy. It's like missing out on a night out as a teenager. Everyone will be having fun, everyone will be talking about it the next day, and you won't have a clue what everyone’s on about.

Except, once in a while, you hear that you missed out on a disaster. Viagra Dave lost his bank card so he couldn't pay for a drink all night, Disco Diane got arrested for climbing onto the Waterfont roof and trying to piss over the bouncers, and everyone got food poisoning from the dodgy Nando’s. You were better off out of it. Especially because of the Nando’s. Because Nando’s is shit.

To my mind, Bournemouth barely happened. I missed out on all the recriminations, all the arguing, all the horrendous gag-reflexes of AWSHIT WE'RE GONNA GET RELEGATED NEIL DUNT KNOW WHAT HE'S DOIN WHY DUNT WE PLAY TWO UP TOP.

I’ve never been happier to have missed a game. DB

Signings needed
We need – and will get – new signings coming in this week. We’re About to slap £15m on Klose and Naismith, whoo I like to call Timm and Steven, as that is their names.

Left-sided international Swiss centre-back – awesome.

Busy-body international attacker who has scored a good few in the Prem – super.

I think we’re one main striker away from David McNally slapping his cheque down on his desk in pleasure, but I have no idea where it is coming from. Sébastien Haller maybe, if he stops using us a bargaining chip. Although he may be the only footballer in the entire world who was given a tour of our facilities, and didn’t leave with a hard-on so big he would have failed a medical anyway. JR

Vadis Odidje-Ohno
Vadis didn’t play well. I wouldn’t be surprised if we don’t see much more of him this season. He will go to the place that Steven Whittaker and Tony Andreu have gone. We don’t talk of that place. JR

 

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