Things we sort of learned

From Russell Martin's goal to Sunderland being doomed, via top-knots, Simon Le Bon and Christmas, Dan Brigham and Jon Rogers look at what we learned from Norwich's win over Sunderland

WES HOOLAHAN HAS THE MOST GORGEOUS FLICKS SINCE SIMON LE BON
Duran Duran were not a good band. Their music was the equivalent of those drinks cartons you get with a little straw to poke in the top – sweet, sickly, popular in the 1980s and kind of fun to simpletons.
 
Their singer, Simon Le Bon, made up for their lack of musical integrity by having the finest hair known to mankind. Whether on a yacht, in a club or simply walking across a sexy European plaza, his flicks were immaculate, waving to onlookers like a Siren at sea.
 
On Saturday, Wes Hoolahan was bringing out the sexiest flicks since Le Bon was singing Girls On Film. Wesley was sensational, finding space, sucking the ball to his feet and releasing it with the timing of the very finest stand-up comics. He's getting better with age, more aware of his own game, more confident in his own talents and thriving in a division thataffords him more space than the Championship. We're lucky to have him. Actually, he’s better than that: English football is lucky to have him. DB

BEING FIRST ON MATCH OF THE DAYISN’T AS STIMULATING AS YOU’D THINK
Sure, we get longer highlights and more ‘analysis’, but it’s like opening all your Christmas presents in the first eight minutes. By 10.42, it’s all over, you’ve nothing to look forward to and you’re forced to watch the others.

In the end, you’ve got no choice but to go and scrub your sprouts. Even I don’t know if I am talking about Match of the Day or Christmas now. Maybe both. JR
 
ALEX NEIL DOESNT RATE BRADLEY JOHNSON'S TOP-KNOT
Frankly, who does? There may be other reasons why Johnson was benched on Saturday but, let's be honest, Johnson's sudden hair-growth is as good as any.
 
It was interesting to hear Neil say candidly that Johnson hasn't been good enough so far. He rarely speaks ill of his players in public, so it's safe to assume it was a deliberate attempt to kick Johnson into stepping up a level. Many of us have long suspected that Johnson isn't of true Premier League quality, and perhaps Neil suspects it too. Johnson has proved us wrong before though and, if anything, at least his top-knot proves he's attempting to look like a Premier League footballer. DB

It’s too early in the season to say a team are doomed, but, well, Sunderland are doomed. Their defence looks like they’ve just caught one another in a car park late at night off the M25

NORWICH'S DEFENCE IS STILL SHIT
Russell Martin is an easy man to like. He speaks well, comes across as humble and fronts up when things are going wrong. So there was little surprise that his opening goal was greeted by a huge amount of goodwill, as well as a few chirps about himproving his doubters wrong.
 
But accidentally shinning in a goal doesn't suddenly turn him into a Premier League central defender. While he's improved immeasurably under Neil – and also while operating next to to Seb Bassong – there's much for Martin to do before the thought of him coming up against Aguero, Costa, Sanchez and co. no longer brings out the cold, sweaty bum shivers in Norwich fans. DB
 
SUNDERLAND ARE HORRIFIC
As good as Norwich were – and they really were very good – Sunderland played as if they were familiarising themselves with this new-fangled game of football. They were a poor imitation of a football team, a Dick van Dyke cockney accent of a side.
 
It's too early in the season to say a team are doomed, but, well, Sunderland are doomed. Their manager wears the haunted look of a 67-year-old man who's been convinced looking after triplets would be a swell idea, their defence looks like they've just caught one another in a car park late at night off the M25 and they attack with all the momentum of marmite in a jar.
 
We've seen great escapes in the last few seasons from Leicester, Palace and, indeed, Sunderland, but this time they are well and truly buggered. Until, that is, Paul Lambert comes riding to their rescue… DB